++++++++++++++++
May 26th
++++++++++++++++

- Talibano has so many email addresses and aliases, that I can easily blame the lack of news updates on him.

- Cattle Decapitation is the sickest band none of you pussies have the balls to go see. If you friggin dare, vegan death metal with a Church Of Euthanasia tinge. Peep that shit, fags. Or go get married in Massachussettes, however its spelled.

- Long Island upstarts Don't Run are gearing up to head out on an small tour, trying to generate some more label and media interest. Get your filthy paws on them before they are headling KROCK's Dysfunctinal Famaily Picnic like Brand New or Taking Back Sunday.

- Head Automatica will be doing valium & wine enemas with The Cure this summer on that weird festival/tour thing that boasts musically giants Muse and Mogwai. It will be playing near you and tickets will be ridiculously expensive.

- Coheed and Cambria met with Matt Pinfield on Jupiter about signing to Columbia. They reportedly told him "nah, but we will sing to the Columbia Space Shuttle tho'... if you swear it won't blow up"

- Staying home and doing nothing is the new going to work.

- These Enzymes have signed to Doghouse Records for a Gazillion Dollars and two veggie hotdogs. I think one is to eat and one is to shove up singer Neil Rubenstein's fat ass.

- Gossip and Reviews and News Sections are all gayer than voting. But better than Vomitting. I would rather Vote than Vomit, but neither are appealing. And neither actually acomplish anything. Except vomitting after every meal makes you thin. Just ask Talibano. Bulemic fucktard

++++++++++++++++
April 15th
++++++++++++++++

- Taking Back Sunday and Straylight Run are both, simultaneously, recording full length albums for Victory Records. Both are suspected to be amazing. In fact, I can attest to the TBS record being amazing, I can only assume likewise for Straylight. Long Island bastion of overweightedness, Neil Rubenstein, once again appears on a TBS record. If this douchebag's career gets resurrected cus of them I will be fuckin pissed. His weird chaotic hardcore band, These Enzymes, is on tour too, which makes me suspect this whole career resurrection thing to be true. Fuckin wannabe Jesus, climbing out of caves and shit.

- The Reuniuon Show are changing their lineup again. It appears after recording their follow-up to The Human League for Victory Records, half the team disappeared on a three week coke binge. Fortunately, Lacrosse season was over and they were able to replace Skully with Diffuser drummer Dan Leo. No relation to Chris or Ted Leo, but possibly related to Leo DiCaprio. That was a gay joke, in case you missed it. Count The Stars Clark and Adam round out the new
lineup.

- Avenged Sevenfold wear mascara and work out alot. Neither of those things are that bad, but in conjuction make me a little suspicious that perhaps they are hiding something. My girlfirend wears mascara and works out too...

- Gay marriage is for homosexuals.

- The band featuring members of The Promise Ring, ironically named Decibully,
have released their debut album. Its boring.

-If Alex really was On Fire, I wouldn't even piss on him to put him out. That four-eyed cocksucker.

The Icarus Line rawks!

- My Chemical Romance sings about spiders and shit. That's fuckin lame. Doesn't The Icarus Line sing about spiders and shit, too? The last time that was cool Bowie did it. Also, the last time a guy pulled off wearing makeup was Bowie. YOU ARE NOT BOWIE, get over yerselves.

- Robert Smith has heard Easy Tiger stuff. Thats fuckin RAD. I wonder if he has seen the Theodore Lerone clothing line.

- Scraps And HeartAttacks will have their new video played on M2's Headbanger's Ball. I said 'ball.'

- So much to say, none of it funny.

++++++++++++++++
April 2nd
++++++++++++++++

Hardison will step into Hamilton's shoes for the new tour.

- From Autumn To Ashes and guitarist Scott Hamilton parted ways this past week. Vadeem Hardison from This Day Forward and television's Different World will be spelling him for the next two tours until they get permanent replacement. Scott on the other hand is working with Taking Back Sunday flunkee Antonio Scarab on a new project that will be recorded on pro tools and released on the internet before they ever play a show. I assume.

- Glassjaw and Easy Tiger guitarist Theodore Lerone is starting up a clothing company called, get this, Theodore Lerone Clothing... how impressive. I am sure you will be seeing their good buddies Good Charlotte and Simple Plan rocking the shit by fall. Check their site, TheodoreLerone.Com often as I am sure they won't have anything up for a while, and then updated real sporadically.

- Big News: I heard through my friend Mike Dubin that Brand New might be playing his bachelor party at The Downtown on Long Island in late April. Hot Rod Circuit and Kevin Devine are confirmed, so this will sell out anyway, if Brand New hops on, it will be a big deal, because they just turned down a tour with Incubus. To me, I would rather play with Incubus then at Dubin's lame party, but whatever.

- These Enzymes leave for tour this week. Derrick Sherman formerly of The Reunion Show is playing second guitar for them and I am sure it will be great. The songs I have heard so far are amazing, and short as hell. So if you have 12 minutes to spare, go check them out if they are playing near you and if tickets are still available. I heard the tour is blowing places out right and left.

- Thats all assholes. Frequent updates = not a lot to say.

++++++++++++++++
March 15th
++++++++++++++++

- George Bush says that same sex marriages 'make a mockery of a sacred union.' Has anyone noticed the mockery ABC and Fox have made of that sacred union by auctioning the fucking things off? I wish Bush would take his head out of his ass, not only long enough for me to put my foot up it, but also long enough to look around and see what the real world 2004 looks like. He is such an asshole, I can't even deal with it.

- These Enzymes actually got their shit together to post a new MP3 and a website. Those lazy fucks actually did it. If you are a fan of Sons Of Abraham, or The All American Rejects, you need to check this stuff out.

- Brandon Riley's Nightmare Of You debuted this past saturday on Long Island at noon. I was too hung over to attend, but sources say they sounded like The Smiths or Morrisey meets The Cure. If you toast them over a camp fire you have The Smores. I stole that joke, so if you don't like it, don't get all pissy with me.

- Walter Schriefels & The Motorcycles has finally changed their name to, get this, Walter Walter. Good god. They have been recording some new material too, that I have been told is amazing. That was from the same person who liked the name Walter Walter, so who knows. Can't wait to decide for myself.

- Daryl Palumbo's less than straight edge project Head Automatica is out on tour right now, and will continue on thru May. Playing shows with Thursday, Andrew W.K. and a full US tour with Dashboard, Get Up Kids, and Thrice. Look for that tour starting in mid-May.

++++++++++++++++
March 3rd
++++++++++++++++

- UnitShifter faves Good Charlotte are slated to appear on a Quicksand tribute compilation on EVR which will benefit the defense fund for the West Memphis Three. I have mixed feelings about this. Good Charlotte suck and are perpetrators, but will bring alot of money to this cause, which I am a fan of, because if me or Talibano lived in Arkansas, it would be our asses they would be saving from bubba and the boys. Also rumored to appear on this September release are Thursday, Thrice, Poison The Well, Snapcase and Coheed, just to name a few.
Good luck you crazy murdering hooligans.

- Taking Back Sunday are in the studio right now recording their follow up to
2002's Tell All Your Friends. I know I keep talking about this, but it's all I
know. Victory Records will be putting this one out as well, let's hope they
don't fuck it up. The fucking lunatic that runs that label is out of his friggin' gord. I swear to Christ. TBS are also playing a benefit gig on Long Island for some kid with cancer and are auctioning off some shit too. These Enzymes will be making their Long Island debut at this show too, so get to it. Get the details at Takingbacksunday.com or whatever their site is. If you need the friggin link you are lazier than I am and need to get off yer ass and do a push up. You fat fuck.

- Speaking of These Enzymes, they head out for their first ever tour on April 1st, starting out in hometown Oklahoma City. Check their site for details, if they ever get their shit together to post the details. Check it, TheseEnzymes.Com. They also told me they will be posting a new song too, but god knows that ain't happened yet either, fucks.

- Mel Gibson is an anti-semite. I know no one cares, but if you killed half the friggin Australian population of the world, no one would care about that either. So suck it Gibson. Stop being such a religious pussy, Signs sucked ass.

- The new Get Up Kids record, The Guilt Show, came out this past Tuesday and
needs to be purchased. It is a return to form of their earlier gems, and will indeed make ya holla.

- Also returning to form, top secret rumor comfirmation, Braid WILL be touring this spring. They weren't all that good the first time around, but if ya dug them, I am sure you will dig them now. And if you listen to emo, you fuckin pussy, and haven't heard them, go check them out.

- H.R. Pufnstuf came out on DVD and is now in my room. I will continue to have nightmares about it like I did when i was a boy. Unlike The Bugaloos which gave me wet dreams. Ahh, Joy, what a fine looking british bug.

- Fuck You.

++++++++++++++++
February 22nd
++++++++++++++++

- Sorry I haven't updated the column in a while, my girlfriend is insatiable, so I haven't been able to do anything but bang in weeks. Actually, it isn't my girlfriend, it's Talibano's Mom... alright.

- Speaking of Talibano's Mom, rumor has it that it was really her boob
exposed at this year's Super Bowl.

- Taking Back Sunday are heading back intothe studio soon to record the
follow-up to their Victory Records' debut Tell All Yer Friends. I heard some of
the demos and it is going to be awesome. I also heard rumors that they will be
re-enlisting former Sons of Abraham frontman, and current These Enzymes
member Neil Rubenstein on some backing vocals. I guess the kids couldn't get enough of him on the first record.

- Speaking of These Enzymes, they have will have two new songs posted on
their website very soon. You can get them here, when they are available. These
Enzymes will also be heading out on a debut tour this April leading up to and
concluding with an appearance at this years Skate and Surf in Asbury Park, New
Jersey. Why anyone would go to NJ is beyond me, but if you aren't opposed to it,
I hear Skate and Surf is a big friggin deal.

- Motion City Soundtrack just arrived home from Europe, opening for Blink
182, haven't heard anything from the guys as to how it went, but one can guess.
Blink 182 will be bringing other UnitShiter faves Brand New to Japan and
Australia with them soon... bastards didn't invite us.

- The Kanye West record, The College Dropout, is the best rap record I have
purchasd in a very, very long time. In an all around goodness sense, not just
just great beats or great flow, great everything. Bling and significance, not
an easy combination, but this guy did it, and with a broken jaw, no less.

- Here's a stretch, but speaking of Broken, and Jaws... Daryl Palumbo of
Glassjaw sold the fuck out. No great shocker. He's been lying to girlfriends for
years, it was just a matter of time before he started lying to himself. Here's
to you, champ, smoke 'em if you got 'em. Also, his Head Automatica record
should be out pretty soon on Warner Brothers Records, and it's pretty fuckin' good. The jerkoff has talent, just no spine.

- Brandon Riley, the good guitarist of The Movielife, has a new band with
Easy Tiger bass player Joey Bigwords. Its called Nightmare Of You, and sounds a bit like The Smiths, a bit like The Cure. They are debuting early in March at
The Downtown on Long Island, so get your mormon butts down there to check them out.

- I think that might be it for now, I will try and keep this updated more
often. Fuckers.

+++++++++++++
January 12th
+++++++++++++

- 2003 ended completely as inconsequentially as it began. So here is 2003's
Most Mediocre Moments:

- Good Charlotte released far more singles than deserving of such a crap load
of talentlessness.

- Tim Armstrong branched out from writing punk rock for Rancid and is now
writing punk rock for Pink. Pink incidentally stopped being hot to complete her
transformation from R&B Goddess to Ugly Famous Chick, joining other non-black
pseudo-diva Nicole Richie.

- My vacuum broke, so I have been getting splinters on the regular. It is a
long convoluted story that I don't feel like sharing at the moment.

- High school pal of mine, Talibano, was seen on "hit" series Classmates. It
appears that this fat cheerleader chick that tried to run us over in her
boyfriend's car, back in tenth grade, was in actuallity, just trying to get him
to notice her. We noticed... that she was FAT.

As for 2004. I hope it does better. Here is what I am looking forward to for
the next 365 days, or 352 since I am a little late with this crap:

- The As Tall As Lions debut CD on Triple Crown Records. Dramatic emo from a
bunch of kids that love showtunes.

- The end of the Bush Administration, once and for all. I am not allowed to
say "Kill President Bush," but don't expect me not to think it [are we going
to get in trouble for that?].

- Tiffany on tour again. She is still very hot. Thank god she was in Playboy.
I will never need viagra as long as I have a copy of that lying around.

- That's all. I suck. I had two months and this is all I could muster...
horrible.

+++++++++++++
November 26th
+++++++++++++

- Limbeck fucking rule. They recently covered a Motion City Soundtrack song,
and vice versa incidentally, for an upcoming "Holiday at Stonehenge" seven
inch on Matt Pryor's (of The Get Up Kids) new label with producer Ed Rose. And
if I can get some cooperation, you might be able to see Motion City's video for
"Future Freaks Me Out" by clicking here.

- The All-American Rejects have been busy touring the world these days and
will be taking some time off to write the follow-up to their gold-selling debut
for recently swallowed DreamWorks. In the meantime Mikey Kennerty (guitar) and
Chris Gaylor (drums) have been keeping even busier with a new band featuring
Motion City bassist Matty 'BabyFace' Jenkins and former Sons Of Abraham frontman Neil Rubenstein, going under the moniker These Enzymes. Click here for the MP3.

- Jews run the media. Still.

- Christian crap slingers, Acceptance, kicked their drummer out for being
gay. That's cool I guess. Don't buy homophobic records. It wasn't cool when Bad
Brains recorded "Don't Blow No Bubbles." It certainly isn't cool now.

- Talibano spent a week in San Francisco, practicing his Gayety.

- Taking Back Sunday are doing remarkably well. That's all I have to say
about that. Oh, and so is Brand New. Oh, and so is Straylight Run. I think the
whole thing was a publicity stunt. It worked if it was.

- Vincent Gallo is still a fucking asshole. I finally got to read that shit
he said about Glassjaw. What an asshole. He is so full of shit, even his movies
stink. Get it? That was a pun, but it works cus his movies suck.

- The new G-Unit is out this month. Buy it before 50 Cent shoots you. I'm
kidding, 50 Cent doesn't even know you. But I bet if he did, he would shoot you
for not buying the G-Unit record.

- Pilgrims ate all the Indigenous Americans' food and then raped their women
and massacred them all. So, don't celebrate thanxgiving. Also, it takes nearly
10 times the amount of water to produce one pound of meat than one pound of
vegetables. Just thought I'd let you know. Since, you are all gonna eat like
fat slobs. Assholes.

+++++++++++++
November 7th
+++++++++++++

- The Straylight Run prayer session backfired. It got Elliot Smith accidentally. Satan was unavailable for questioning.

- Pig Latin hardcore band, Anterabbea, has ithay the oadray ecentlyray to help promote their upcoming album with a lame name on Triple Crown Records, by touring the SUNY campuses of upstate New York. Go check them out when they hit a town near you, they will akemay you oshmay.

- Saosin apparently triple teamed a 15 yr old girl in Oregon and joke about it like its no big deal. Not cool. If you have any self respect do not fuck these assholes. And if you are the 15 yr old girl this happened to, tell the fucking police.

- I may be jumping the gun with this shit, too, but I overheard discussions of a new Sons Of Abraham song being recorded. Members of the all jewish, all straight edge hardcore band from Long Island including Justin Beck from Glassjaw were overheard at a local Chili's. The song would be released on an upcoming MerchDirect comp, which would feature bands whose members work in the MerchDirect warehouse, including Crime In Stereo, Blood Red, and Kill Your Idols. I have no confirmation on this yet, but I had heard rumors for a while and this seemed like it was pretty definite.

- The Thursday, Thrice, Coheed and Cambria tour is underway, as well as the Brand New, Hot Rod Circuit tour. Also Straylight Run left for the New Amsterdams tour with The Exit. Uhmm.. thats not interesting or funny, is it? Whatever. Fuck you guys.

- I was lucky enough to attend Ja Rule's Holla Ween Party this past weekend. Best costume went to Charli Baltimore for being the walking dead, and runner up honors went to Irv Gotti for being a Giant Pussy. Also present were Ashanti's Sideburns and Tupac was there, rolling in his grave.

- The first half of the JamisonParker debut album came out this past week. If you are having trouble finding it in the J section of your local record store, try under P, for "that's some Pussy shit". Apparently some stores have been misfiling it. They played a few shows and had an IMX appearance while in NY for CMJ and everything went well. These guys will be famous in a matter of minutes.

- Johnny Depp stars as Jack White in the most recent White Stripes video "The
Hardest Button To Button." The title refers to the top button on wife/sister
Meg White's 501s. Apparently she has packed on some weight since purchasing
them at the Detroit Old Navy and now can't seem to get them closed easily.

- Thats all I got this week. Drop it.

+++++++++++++
October 20th
+++++++++++++
- Straylight Run will be holding a mass prayer session on halloween. They
want everyone to simultaneously wish horrible things upon Tony Victory to help
them get out of their contract. I spoke to Satan earlier in the week, and he
said "thats not a bad idea, i think it could work." So everyone get out their
candles. The Nolan twins need your help. It would actually speed up the arrival
of a new Taking Back Sunday record, too, i suppose.

- Halloween will also bring us Thursday on Craig Kilborn. My advice is that
you do the prayer against Tony Victory, go egging, and then watch that. Email
me, and maybe i'll go egging with you. If you're driving. Talibano said he will
drive if you can't get your mom's car that night. Either way, we're going
egging.

- Diffuser beat Hofstra 3-2 in overtime.

- Apparently Go-Kart Records is trying to set the tone by releasing records
onto the internet for free downloads. They can afford to do this by not paying
anyone back or paying their artists mechanical royalties for their releases,
or re-releases. I am all for free music on the internet, but if someone buys
the album, then I feel you should probably pay the artist for it. They don't. I
think their is a law against that... I will check with my lawyer.

- Brand New's Jesse Lacey stayed a few days extra in Los Angeles after the
filming of their new video, in order to record a christmas jingle for KROQ. No
kidding, huh? A christmas jingle. Thats cool, I guess. Everyone celebrates
christmas, right? La'Shanah Tovah.

- I finally heard Celebrity Murders the other day. The hardcore band
featuring Mike D. of CR, Artie Phillie of Milhouse and Indecision, Chris Russo
of Those Of Us, and Dan Crowell of Halfman. Now that seems like a recipe for
success. I was expecting C.R. with brilliant, mean spirited lyrics, and instead I got
Citizens Arrest with brilliant, mean spirited lyrics. Not bad by any stretch
of the imagination, just not all I hoped for. Maybe the next recording will
exceed the first.

- For the same three people that gave a shit about the last piece of info,
LaMagna is back together. Hooray. Please email me here, and let me know when
they are playing next. Someone, by the way, needs to put out a Scapegrace
discography.

- The Reunion Show will be playing a long-overdue Long Island show on Nov.
9th. The lineup will include both remaining original members, Skully and Marc
Klepfelpflef, as well as Vinnie McCauliffe of Edna's Goldfish and Descendre's
Rick Penzone on bass. The rest of the bill will include ex-Movielife members'
Keep Breathing and ex-Silent Majority guitarist Ryan Hainer's Slowlands. More
ex's than a support group.

- This week isn't funny because I was told that Agnostic Front's Roger Miret
has a Good Charlotte tattoo, and I do not want to be on the wrong side of
that guy. So no more "Good Charlotte sucks" jokes. Even tho they do. Sorry, that
was the last one. Wait, this will be the last one. How much do you think they
had to pay him to get that? OK, I am done.

- Scraps and Heartattacks, Long Island's savior of fast hardcore, will be
releasing their first full length on Triple Crown Records this week. Or next. I
am so bad with this shit. Who the hell's idea was it to give me a gossip
column. I don't know shit.

- Easy Tiger mastermind, and Glassjaw guitarist, Theodore LaRone was spotted
in LA this past week at a Red Carpet affair with Disney's Hilary Duff.
Confirming the rumor that they were dating, started by her appearance in a
Glassjaw T-shirt on a talk show recently. Good for you man, tell me how she is.

- Have I made fun of Finch lately? Nothing I like better than LaCrosse jokes
and shit talking Finch. Ehh, I don't even like shit talking them anymore. You
guys know what's up. They have that whole "but they are such nice kids" thing
going. But LaCrosse jokes, now those are funny.

- Speaking of nice guys, The Ataris played Long Island last week. Judging
from the crowd's reaction, the only people that even recognized Tom Waits and
Jawbreaker covers were the same people that wished they would stop butchering
those songs.

- I am sorry, I got nothing for you this week... Happy Halloween...
Long Live Egging!!

+++++++++++++
October 7th
+++++++++++++
- I am going to buy the new Coheed and Cambria record today, then smoke a fat
blunt, and pretend I am on a rocket ship to Mars. When I get to Mars I will
challenge singer/space cadet Claudio to a sick game of Dungeons and Dragons. If I win, I get to keep the sword. Wish me luck.

- I can not fucking believe this shit. The Icarus Line is on V2. Labels are
looking under every god damned rock for a little bit of crap to call their own.
Listen, this shit is a fluke. None of these bands are going to stick. Sign
some asshole in baggy jeans and teach him to rap. Let ass like The Icarus Line
break up. Finally, we have got someone to talk shit about Buddyhead. I know you
love it.

- The Julianna Theory tour has been cursed. First, Count The Stars rolled
their van sending members to the hospital, forcing them to cancel their tour.
Then, Hope's Fall had their van and all their gear stolen from outside their
hotel in Dallas. If this were a horror movie, all the other bands would be
played by white people. I am not positive what the third and final blow will be, but
I spoke to Satan earlier this week and He promised it to be a "doozie."

- Head Automatica played their first, and possibly only, show last weekend in
Brooklyn. The band featured Glassjaw's Daryl Palumbo on gold teeth, Josh from
Give Up The Ghost on bass, and Dan The Automater eating Oreo Cookies. Two
members of Lovage filled out the rest of the line-up. While I just filled out
their girlfriends, Alright.

- Jay-Z apparently has "been there before." In a recent statement, The Young
Hova said that "if you had it, he had it, got mad at it, and don't want it no
more." The man is a fucking genius. He also gets to bang Beyonce on the
regular, so if that ain't proof enough...

- Celebrity (My Bloody Valentine/ Duran Duran sans synth rockers from
Nashville) is the best band you aren't going to understand. They played the
other night on Long Island and noone got it. I got it. Good work guys, don't let the
15 year olds in too tight shirts and black eyeliner bring you down.

- The Movielife called it quits, after years of unanswered prayers. Finally
disproving the theory that if you stick to something long enough you will
eventually get good at it. The impetus of the breakup came when shitty
guitarist, Dan Nevetta, decided to go back to playing his real passion, LaCrosse. Good guitarist, Brandon Riley, has been rumored to be playing with Easy Tiger member Joey Bigwords in a Smiths/Cure style rock band.

- The Lord Of The Rings is for fuckin geeks. If you can sit thru ten hours of
anything, switch with me.

- Glassjaw/ Easy Tiger guitarist Theodore LaRone recently filled in for Brand
New bassist, Garrett Something on the Dashboard Confessional tour for several
dates in the midwest. Noone knew the difference. I heard it was good, but
that was from a drunk Brian Diaz, formerly of The Reunion Show, at four in the
morning.

- The Reunion Show, by the way, recently lost two members to the glamour and
glitz of guitar teching. Bass player Brian Diaz who now tours with Brand New,
and guitarist Derek Sherman, who can now be seen stage left at All American
Rejects concerts. The Show, as fans call them, will go on. New members to be
named later, and a new full length is rumored to be in the works, currently.

- In related news, Skully, also of The Reunion Show, has another new project,
aside from Easy Tiger, called Descendre. They debuted on Long Island this
past week. Rumor has it, the show was unspectacular, unlike his drumming. The
name appears to be french, which might explain why people thought guitar player
TJ Penzone was gay. Turns out he's not gay at all, just mildly retarded, and
speaks with a lisp. I hate the french.

- At a recent Long Island show, suburban gang members beat up Rhode Island
hardcore band Bury Your Dead for being too loud. Apparently, one of the gang
members needed to call his mother to tell her he would be home late for dinner,
and she couldn't hear him. He politely asked the band to turn down, but they
simply mocked him by saying "What? I can't hear you, my guitar is too loud."
That will teach those other Island guys to come to this Island thinking they can
play for our women.

- In other Long Island news, Ashanti had her thick-ass sideburns waxed. 'Bout
fuckin time. Did she not noitce them while watching back the rough edits of
her first ten videos? Cunt.

- When are other sites going to link me? Yeah, I am talking to you,
TheScout.Net. I know you read this shit. And I know you're jealous I got to that
Fall Out Boy shit first.

- I think this needs to get another nod. Andre 3000 from Outkast may be
playing Jimi Hendrix in the upcoming biopic by the Hughes Brothers. That's
fucking awesome. Only thing I can think of that would be better, is if Vincent Gallo
did a snuff film starring himself, and Good Charlotte. I fucking hate them. You
know what, for fun, Halle Berry could be the love interest. Not that I care,
but because I know the Talibano (ugh) cares. Always looking out for you, player.

+++++++++++++
September 22nd
+++++++++++++
- The Starting Line and Epitaph's Motion City Soundtrack have both shot new
videos this past week or two. My money is on MCS for the better video, but The
Starting Line might have to win for nicer bus. Recent reports say it is nicer
than "Dave's" bus. If you have any info on who the hell "Dave" is, please email me, and then tell that name dropping noodle to shut the fuck up, no one cares who she's
banged.

- Rise Against signed to Dreamworks, and Chicago based van and trailer outfit
Fall Out Boy have made the move to Island Records. Making it official, every
band in the fucking world is on a Major. It's not even news anymore. Congrats
guys, don't believe your A&R guy and you'll be fine. Also, the drummer for
Fall Out Boy gets The Unit Shifter Award for "Best Fuckin Tattoos".(does the
period go before or after the quotation mark when ending a sentence?) [Ed.: before]

- The new Thrice record looks awesome.

- Quicksand & Rival Schools' frontman Walter Schriefels has a new project
rolling along. Last I heard, the name they were using was Walter Schriefels and
The Motorcycles. The Arthur Lee-inspired rock band , featuring Chris Daly (Jets
To Brazil, Texas Is The Reason) and International funny man Ryan Stratton,
has been playing open mic's in the NYC area, and will be recording more material
soon. The unreleased full-length they recorded is incredible and needs to be
bootlegged immediately.

- Related news, Rival Schools did have a final full length under production
when they called it a day. That too needs to be bootlegged. Get to it pirates.

- Also related, Ian Love (formerly of Rival Schools) has just returned from
the UK with his new band Cardia. According to their newsletter, it went great
and they got to meet Metallica. I wonder if they asked Metallica where they
were hiding all their talent and decision making ability. If anyone finds
Metallica's talent and/or decision making ability, please email us so we may
return it to it's rightful owners.

- Arty Shephard (Mind Over Matter, Errortype:11, World's Fastest Car) has
finally signed to a major label with his new band Instruction, featuring fellow
Schriefels alumn Tom Capone. Look for another hit single from Diffuser shortly
after they hear the soon-to-be recorded Instruction full-length. Diffuser by
the way is excellent at lacrosse, and sold 9 records in 9 weeks. Pretty
impressive for a band that steals their songs from two unsigned bands (Forward,
Errortype:11). Hey A&R, if for some reason you like Diffuser, you need to sign
Sunday Luck (formerly Forward), which is the better half of that song writing
team. Wow, I'm a dick.

- Good Charlotte will be heading out on a fall tour... They suck. Maybe while
they are playing southern Florida, someone will saw it off and push it out to
sea.

- Easy Tiger, a dance/soul quintet from NY & Missouri, featuring Theodore
LaRone from Glassjaw and Reunion Show's mono-nomial Skully, has been recording a demo at an undisclosed location for the past week or two. As soon as there is more information available, you will find it here. Scout.Net and AbsolutePunk might have it first, but we will have it funnier.

- BurningAngel.Net is porn, you like porn? I don't, but if I did, I'd be
jerking off right now instead of plugging away at this unaffectionate mess of
wires and plastic.

- Fucking Vincent Gallo, after appearing in, and ruining with his horrific
acting, the Glassjaw video for Cosmopolitan Bloodloss or Bloodlust, whichever,
talked a whole bunch of shit about them on some french website. I never
actually saw it myself, but I was told that he said some shit... whatever he
said was a lie. Or lies... Fuck him. Brown Bunny sucked. Glassjaw only asked him to be in the video with the hopes that he would be inspired to make something
decent for a change, like they did with Finch... Glassjaw is officially 0 for 2
in that department.

- The Fuse gave that blonde guy from IMX his own indie rock show. Then they
called Spike Lee to do a show about dating white women. Get it? Racist black
men don't date white women, get it? Spike Lee is sue happy, isn't he? I probably
should let the Spike Lee jokes alone, huh? Well, if you leave this out, I won't be hurt. The blonde guy from IMX... god damnit. Between him and that poseur metal chick, you would think they had the same advisors as George W. and Metallica. What people need are personal realists. Someone that hangs around and lets them know that they can't get away with certain bullshit. If Lars or George W. had personal realists things would have been a lot different. Courtney Love, too, like "Hey Courtney, you can't kill your husband, thats a terrible idea." "No disrespect, Mr. President, but you can't keep trying to distract the American People with war. They will eventually catch on that you are an incompetent retard with a drug history and a criminal record."

- I have no proof of any of this... and I am in Good Charlotte. Since I know
Good Charlotte likes to sic their thuggy friends on people for shit talking
on the internet, maybe saying "I am in Good Charlotte" will throw them off the
scent. Amazing, I shit talked Lars, GW, Good Charlotte, and Spike Lee in one
installment. If the CIA kills me, tell my momma I love her. And tell Dubin's mom
I love her too!! Alright.

Send us your scraps.