Shock-o-Rama-a-Go-Go

The event started off Friday the 21st with Flesh for the Beast, a disgusting little film about a group of researchers in a haunted mansion who are messily dispatched by a gang of naked succubi. Now, if you don't know from succubi, they are female sex vampires. Get with it! This film had its moments, namely the ones involving naked chicks, but overall it was just another slasher flick.

Next up was Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Shieks. While the first 20 minutes of this was campy fun, it soon descended into humorless torture scenes. Ryan O, always the sensitive type, walked out somewhere between scenes of a woman's breasts being crushed in a vise and another woman's teeth being pulled out so she would be more equipped for oral sex. He went next door to the Frolic Room and chugged a couple Sierra Nevadas, trying to purge the aforementioned atrocities from his mind. Luckily, he managed to haul his ass back to the theater in time to snag a great interview with Ted V. Mikels, who was standing in the lobby hawking his videotapes.

Amanda By Night showed up early the next evening with her gracious escort Disco Dave. They were treated to DVD projections of Death Bed and Basket Case, which pissed off Dave since this was a movie theater after all, and he expected to see actual films (plus, he had to pay for his ticket, unlike the rest of us spoiled little bitches). Next was a 35mm print of Sugar Cookies, featuring Warhol Factory regulars Mary Woronov and Ondine. The highlight of this film was a young (and very naked) Lynn Lowry (The Crazies, Shivers, Score, I Drink Your Blood), who is finally getting the credit she deserves as one of the queens of 70's sinema.

This was followed by another 35mm nugget, Ted V. Mikels' The Doll Squad. Campy fun from start to finish, this featured endless scenes of chicks in tight costumes blowing shit up, with occasional plot devices thrown in for continuity. Mr. Mikels then came out and did a Q&A, regaling the audience with stories about the making of Doll Squad, and graciously blowing off a gang of heckling gutter punk chicks.

Slymenstra cracks the whip.

Then the theater was transformed into a burlesque club, as Kitty Diggins, Slymenstra Hymen (formerly of GWAR), Miss Satanica, The Fishnet Floozies, Kitten DeVille and Idyll Rose strutted their stuff to the accompaniment of some crazy-ass music. The only drawback was the bitchy antics of hostess Mistress Persephone, a professional dominatrix who was eventually heckled off stage by the none-too-submissive crowd.

Next came musical performances by gothic lovelies Dame Darcy and Nora Keyes and a screening of the greatest film ever made, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. At this point Ryan O found himself to be the only Shifter left in attendance, and realizing that he was about to get kicked out along with the annoying gutter punk chicks (who by now were passing around the mota in addition to knocking back bottles of booze), he opted to leave voluntarily to get some much needed shut-eye (or get drunk and surf the internet for pictures of Idyll Rose, whichever it was).